How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Girlfriend or How to Work on Emotional Independence

Sometimes our happiness can depend on what others think, say or do and that’s not healthy. Each of us needs to work towards emotional independence. It’s a great quality that allows you to have healthy relationships with yourself and with others. How to stop obsessing over your girlfriend or how to work on emotional independence? We share the main secrets.

Learn to be alone. Loneliness is just as important as love, affection, and other social relationships. Certain life events are inevitable and are part of our personal growth. For this reason, the ability to be alone is a great tool when it comes to coping with stress, losses, better knowing yourself and building relationships with yourself.

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Analyze your relationship. Psychologists stress the need to analyze social relationships – no matter if it is about friends, family, partner or colleagues. Ask yourself how you feel when you are around these people. How do their emotional states, words and gestures affect you? Are you feeling refreshed or empty? Loved or condemned? Realizing this can help us detect emotional addictions and get rid of them faster. 

Take responsibility for your life. Emotional independence and responsibility go hand in hand. When we take responsibility for ourselves and our lives, we stop being victims. Complaining and emotional addiction is a cycle of low self-esteem, insecurity, dissatisfaction, and internal problems. To be confident, you need to take full responsibility for what is happening in your life. 

Make your own decisions. This does not mean that one should stop taking into account the recommendations of loved ones, but no one knows your needs better than you. Any decision you make should be in your best interest, not in the interest of others. If you lose sight of this moment, you risk living a life created by the judgments of others. 

Practice assertiveness. Assertiveness is an important aspect of emotional independence. It allows us to express our opinions and talk about our own needs to others without fear and aggression. While it may not be easy at first, over time, assertiveness becomes a habit.

Build personal boundaries. An emotionally independent person knows how to empathize with others, but knows where to set boundaries. Emotional dependence is often intertwined with self-sufficiency. This keeps your needs to a minimum and you start putting someone else’s priorities ahead of yours. This is why it is important to practice self-affirmation and give yourself permission to feel and accept your thoughts and emotions.

Emotional independence is closely related to self-esteem. That is why it is necessary to devote time to personal development. Build your self-esteem by increasingly respecting your feelings and decisions. How you see yourself determines how others will see you.

Improve all areas of life. Psychologists associate emotional independence with the need to develop all areas of life. They suggest doing a simple exercise: draw a rectangle and divide it into several parts, each of which is a separate plot (relationship with yourself, work, family, partner, and others). Plot by plot, analyze how you feel in a given area. Think of how you can improve this area now. This exercise will stimulate your mind to become more independent and responsible for the well-being of your life.

Telling others about how we feel in our relationship with them is fair and necessary. Communication in any relationship is the basis for mutual understanding. Often, the desire to please the other without even knowing what they want or the fear that the partner will leave us can create a dynamic of emotional dependence, especially when one of the parties is more vulnerable. Telling the other person how we feel in a relationship without prejudice or judgment can allay those fears. 

Surround yourself with people who love you. We are social creatures by nature and feel secure around people who value us. Having a social circle with healthy relationships can prevent emotional addiction to someone. Even if we ourselves can’t get rid of the situation, our loved ones will accompany us in the process of liberation and give valuable advice.

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Christophe Rude

Christophe Rude

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